About the young and the elderly - or simply meeting people
I am sitting in a café in Berlin Kreuzberg. Outside, autumn is coming. Wind is blowing into the city, sweeping the leaves over the ground. A new season is dawning and everyday life is changing. Looking around, I see about a handful of people sitting at the wooden tables. They all have one thing in common: they are young, have the drink of their choice standing next to them (some variation of caffeine: cappuccino, café latte, filter coffee, some with soy milk, lactose-free or just black) and look spellbound at their laptop. They are all immersed in their small electronic devices, not a word is spoken. Only the typing on the keys and the occasional conversation with customers, which the staff at the checkout have when taking an order, interrupt the silence. Mind you, we are in Berlin, a city of over 3.7 million inhabitants as of June 2018 according to the Berlin Brandenburg Office of Statistics. Granted, it's 11:00 o’clock on a Tuesday morning. Working silently in a café seems hip and trendy these days, Berlin ultimately wants to keep up with London, Paris and New York. Yet somehow working in public in silence without a smile to the person next to you is a rather lonely endeavor.
Loneliness in the big cities of the West (and with the growth of the middle class also in other regions of the world) is a phenomenon that the media have also registered. Especially in England. In no other country in the EU is there more coverage of the generation gap and the loneliness it creates for both the younger and the elderly as in Great Britain. Alex Smith is a young man in his mid-thirties and quite dashing. About eight years ago, the Briton decided to stand in the local elections to kick off his career as a politician. In contrast to the usual practice in Berlin, the native Londoner knocked on the doors of the residents where he stood for election. His goal was to mobilize as many voters as possible to cast their votes - ideally for him. One day his path led Alex to the door of Fred. Fred is about 50 or 60 years older than the aspiring young politician. With British courtesy Alex introduced himself to the older gentleman and asked him to go to the polls. Fred was prepared in principle. He had always voted, he said, because it was important to him to voice a political opinion. If it wasn’t for his aged body… Fred didn't know how to get to the polling place. He had not left his apartment for three months because he was too weak on his feet. Since then he had hardly any social contact and became more and more lonely. Touched by the story, Alex offered the elderly gentleman to accompany him to the polling.
Together, the two men, one young and curious about life, the other full of life experiences, wandered through the London borough of Camden with the aim of casting a vote. On the way, Fred begins to talk about his life: how he used to perform on cruise ships as Frank Sinatra and how he would now be happy to come back to the hairdresser. Since he could hardly leave the house, his hair had not been cut anymore and he didn't like feeling rather unkempt. Alex felt comfortable during their walk and discovered many things that fascinated him about the old man as well as things that connected them. For example, Fred used to run a costume shop in Camden, Alex's favorite shop when he was growing up. Maybe they already had met years ago, but in a fast-moving big city, encounters are often not much more than fleeting moments.
Alex mind kept going back to the walk with the elderly gentleman even after the election was over and he didn't win enough votes. The meeting with Fred had touched something in Alex. How many people felt like Fred? How many had lived in London all their lives but had hardly any social contact - simply because the city and life had changed? How many people felt like Alex himself, who has no contact to the generation of his grandparents? Because they had died? Because you had moved to the city for studies or work and your family lives somewhere else? Because we simply no longer meet people but instead live parallel lives?
The subject has a hold on Alex. And slowly an idea begins to develop. From the inside. About a year later, after his first meeting with Fred, the idea for North London Cares is born. With a few friends, Alex founds the initiative, which is based on connecting people of different generations: To reduce isolation and loneliness among younger and older people; to create connections, build confidence and skills; to change the city itself rather than just feeling the effects of change; and to bring people together and build bridges across social, digital and cultural divides. What began with North London Cares has now become The Cares Family. In North and South London, Manchester and Liverpool, the organization offers events for young and old: museum visits and movie nights, baking and cooking, as well as dancing together. In addition to these major events, there is also a program called "Love Your Neighbor". People meet in pairs in their neighborhood and talk about everything that moves them. Over a cup of tea, of course.
Alex has no idea what has become of Fred. He had kept visiting the older man telling him about how he had become the inspiration for the Cares Family. But Fred was no longer interested in an exchange. Alex suspects that Fred would then have been deprived of any reason to complain. The visits to Fred started to change from nice conversations between neighbors to courtesy calls. This is exactly what the Cares Family does not want to be. It is not a social project where young people volunteer for their elders. It is not a good deed. It is a meeting from person to person.
Alex & Lille
Friendship doesn’t care about your date of birth.
More than eight years have passed since that day in September when Alex knocked on Fred's door, and although Fred is no longer one of Alex's friends, there are many others: Lille, the resolute lady of a proud 86 years of age who doesn't let herself be impressed by titles that seem so important in today's self-promotional society. "Telling her that you're a management consultant means nothing to her. You have to be warm, funny, smart and quick-witted. You have to approach her with all your humanity, because being a management consultant means nothing. She doesn't know what it is and therefore she doesn't care. She's an old lady full of humour and very down to earth and she makes me think about who I really am."[1]
I'm still sitting in that café in Kreuzberg and my thoughts leave my encounter with Alex, which I had in London two summers ago, and come back to Berlin. It is now 1 pm. The young people with their laptops and coffees have nearly all gone. Instead, there is an Italian teenager of about 15 years sitting in one of the comfortable armchairs. He chats with his aunt and uncle, whom he is visiting in Berlin. He talks about what he likes about Italy and what he misses in Germany; what he owes to his teacher; and how much connection to others matter. He reflects on how his father has learned to accept that his son cares about other things. And that friendships can last even if you don't see each other. "And then you start talking to people you don't even know, and it's like you've known each other all your life. It's so wonderful."
I am touched by the conversation, which I may secretly listen to. Of the self-reflection of the young man, of the encounter between generations, between cultures, and again I feel the potential that lies in each and every encounter. Suddenly their conversation turns to God and issues of faith, and how we are stuck in our own thought patterns and too lazy to change them.
And it doesn't really take much to do that. Just a moment. A single encounter that touches and then moves you - both within and without. Most ideas are not born in think tanks. Most ideas are born in a moment. All of a sudden, they are there. You just have to hear them and give them space. Then they can unfold. And if you devote yourself to them, a single little idea can become something that connects people. And now I'm going out into the autumn storm. Let's see what else will move me today.
[1] Find out more about The Cares Family: https://thecaresfamily.org.uk/